When it comes to praising our kids, we often focus on their achievements and accomplishments. But is this approach really helping them develop a growth mindset? Research suggests that praising effort, not just outcome, can have a profound impact on how our children perceive challenges and setbacks. By focusing on the process rather than just results, we can help them build resilience and a love of learning that will serve them well throughout their lives. In this article, we’ll explore why praising effort is so important, and provide practical tips for parents and caregivers on how to make this shift in your praise habits. We’ll delve into the difference between outcome-based and effort-based praise, and offer suggestions for ways to encourage a growth mindset in the children you love.
Understanding the Importance of Praising Effort
When it comes to praising our children, we have a choice: focus on their efforts or their outcomes. Praising effort can have a profound impact on their self-perception and motivation.
The Benefits of Focusing on Effort
Praising effort is more effective than praising outcome when it comes to raising confident and resilient children. By focusing on effort, you help your child develop a growth mindset, which is essential for their future success. A growth mindset believes that abilities can be developed through hard work, dedication, and persistence. This mindset helps children view failures as opportunities for growth rather than reflections of their worth.
When we praise effort, our children become more motivated to tackle challenges head-on. They understand that progress is made through persistence and resilience. For example, imagine your child working on a difficult math problem. Instead of praising them for getting the right answer, you could say, “I can see how hard you’re working on this problem. You’re not giving up!” This encourages them to continue striving for improvement.
By focusing on effort, you also enhance your child’s self-esteem. When we praise outcome, children can develop an identity tied to their results, leading to anxiety and stress when faced with uncertainty. In contrast, praising effort helps your child understand that their worth is not defined by external validation but by the value of their hard work and dedication.
Common Pitfalls of Praise
When we focus solely on outcome, rather than effort, it can lead to some significant pitfalls. For instance, it can instill a fixed mindset in our children, making them believe that their abilities and intelligence are static and unchangeable. This can discourage them from taking risks or attempting new challenges for fear of not succeeding.
Moreover, an overemphasis on outcome praise can decrease resilience in children. When they’re praised only for achieving specific results, they become overly focused on external validation. If they don’t meet these expectations, their self-worth and confidence plummet. This can be particularly damaging when our children face setbacks or failures, as they may struggle to bounce back.
To avoid these pitfalls, try praising your child’s effort and progress rather than just their end results. For example, instead of saying “Great job winning the game!”, say “I loved how you worked together with your team to achieve that win!” By shifting our focus to effort and process, we can foster a growth mindset in our children and help them develop the resilience they need to succeed in all areas of life.
The Science Behind Praising Effort vs Outcome
When we praise a child’s effort, it not only boosts their confidence but also helps them develop a growth mindset and resilience in the face of challenges. Let’s explore the science behind this approach to praising children.
The Research on Praise and Motivation
Research has shown that praise can have a profound impact on children’s intrinsic motivation, self-perception, and academic achievement. Studies have demonstrated that praising effort rather than outcome leads to more positive outcomes for children.
For instance, a study conducted by Carol Dweck found that students who received praise for their effort showed increased resilience and persistence in the face of challenges, compared to those who were praised solely for their intelligence or grades. This suggests that when we focus on the process rather than just the outcome, children are more likely to develop a growth mindset.
Another study by Henderlong and Lepper (2002) found that praise for effort increased intrinsic motivation, whereas praise for intelligence or performance led to an overjustification effect – where children become less motivated because they feel entitled to rewards rather than genuinely enjoying the activity. By praising effort, we can help our children develop a love for learning that is not dependent on external validation.
In practical terms, this means focusing on verbal cues such as “I can see you’re working really hard” or “You’re doing your best”, rather than simply saying “Great job!” or “You’re so smart”.
The Role of Social Learning Theory in Praise
When it comes to praising children, we often focus on their achievements and accomplishments. However, research suggests that this approach can have unintended consequences. According to Albert Bandura’s Social Learning Theory, children learn by observing and imitating the behavior of those around them. In the context of praise, this means that children are more likely to value effort or outcome based on what they see in their environment.
For instance, if parents consistently praise their child’s achievements, such as “You’re so smart!” or “I’m so proud of you!”, the child may start to believe that intelligence and success come from innate ability rather than hard work. On the other hand, when children observe their parents praising effort, such as “You worked really hard on this project” or “I can see you put a lot of thought into this”, they are more likely to develop a growth mindset and value the process of learning.
By understanding how social learning theory influences our praise, we can intentionally create an environment that encourages children to value effort over outcome.
Implementing Effort-Based Praise in Daily Life
Now that we’ve discussed why effort-based praise is essential, let’s explore how to incorporate it into your daily interactions with your child. This includes creating a supportive environment and using specific language that acknowledges their hard work.
Recognizing and Praising Effort in Children
Recognizing and praising effort in children is crucial for their development of resilience and confidence. It’s easy to get caught up in acknowledging only the end results, but this can lead to a focus on winning rather than learning. To cultivate a growth mindset in your child, make an effort to recognize and praise their hard work, persistence, and dedication.
When giving feedback, try using specific language that highlights their efforts, such as “I really like how you approached this problem” or “You’ve been practicing for a long time, and it shows.” Avoid praising just the outcome, like “Great job getting an A!” Instead, focus on what they did to achieve that result.
For example, if your child is struggling with reading, praise them for sounding out words, using their finger to guide their eyes along the page, or asking for help when needed. By acknowledging and rewarding effort rather than just success, you’ll encourage your child to view challenges as opportunities for growth and development. This shift in focus will help build resilience, perseverance, and confidence that will benefit them throughout life.
Strategies for Fostering a Growth Mindset
To encourage children to view challenges as opportunities for growth and learning, it’s essential to adopt strategies that foster a growth mindset. A growth mindset believes that abilities and intelligence can be developed through dedication and hard work, rather than being fixed traits.
One effective way is to use language that emphasizes progress over perfection. Instead of saying “You’re so smart,” say “I can see you’re really thinking about this problem.” This subtle shift in language encourages children to focus on the process, not just the outcome. Another approach is to encourage children to take ownership of their learning by asking open-ended questions like “What do you think might happen if you try a different approach?” or “How did you feel when you made that mistake?”
Make effort praise specific and genuine, such as “I can see you’re working really hard on this puzzle” or “You didn’t give up even though it was tough.” This helps children connect their effort to the outcome. By implementing these strategies, you’ll be helping your child develop a growth mindset and view challenges as opportunities for growth and learning.
Common Objections to Praise Effort vs Outcome
You may be thinking, “But isn’t praising effort enough? Won’t it encourage my child to do their best?” We’ll address these common concerns and myths about praising effort.
Addressing the Concern That Praising Effort Is Not Acknowledging Success
Praising effort is often misunderstood as minimizing the importance of acknowledging accomplishments. However, it’s actually the opposite – a more comprehensive approach to understanding success. When we praise effort, we’re not diminishing the significance of achieving a goal, but rather focusing on the process that led to it.
Think of it this way: imagine two children who complete a difficult math project. One child works diligently throughout the project and finally submits a well-done assignment, while the other child rushes through the project without much effort and also submits an acceptable paper. By praising the first child’s effort, we’re acknowledging the hard work they put in to learn and improve their skills.
This doesn’t mean we shouldn’t acknowledge the second child’s accomplishment either. Instead, we can praise the effort the first child put into learning and growing throughout the project, and then also commend both children on completing the assignment successfully. By doing so, we’re providing a more nuanced understanding of success that goes beyond just achieving a goal.
In practice, this means praising children for their persistence, resilience, and hard work when faced with challenges.
Debunking the Myth That Praise Should Focus on Talent or Intelligence
Praising children for their natural talent can lead to an overemphasis on innate abilities and undermine the importance of effort. Research has shown that when we praise intelligence or talent, children tend to attribute success solely to these factors, rather than recognizing the role of hard work and dedication.
For instance, a child who receives praise for being “so smart” after completing a puzzle may begin to believe that their natural intelligence is the sole reason for their accomplishment. This mindset can be damaging because it neglects the value of persistence and effort in achieving goals. To avoid this pitfall, try praising children’s process-oriented skills, such as problem-solving or strategy development.
When working with your child on a task, instead of saying “You’re so good at math,” say “I really like how you took your time to think about the problem before starting.” This shift in focus helps children understand that their abilities are not fixed and can be developed through practice and effort. By doing so, we foster a growth mindset that promotes resilience and confidence in children’s ability to tackle challenges head-on.
Addressing Specific Situations and Challenges
When dealing with everyday situations, it can be tough to know whether to praise your child’s effort or their outcome. Let’s explore some common scenarios that might help clarify things.
Handling Failure and Mistakes with Effort-Based Praise
When children make mistakes, it’s natural for parents to want to offer words of encouragement. However, praising their failure can inadvertently reinforce a fixed mindset, where they believe their worth is tied to their outcomes. Instead, focus on the effort they put into trying. Acknowledge their hard work and persistence, even if the result wasn’t what you or they had hoped for.
For instance, let’s say your child spent hours on a painting project that didn’t turn out as expected. You could praise them by saying, “I can see how much time and effort you put into this painting! The colors are vibrant, and I love the way you experimented with different techniques.” By shifting the focus to their efforts, you’re teaching them that it’s not about achieving perfection but about putting in a good effort.
Remember, praising effort doesn’t mean ignoring mistakes. Instead, use these opportunities to teach your child how to learn from failures and move forward. Encourage them to reflect on what went wrong and think of ways to improve next time.
Managing External Pressures and Expectations
When external pressures or expectations come knocking, it’s easy to get caught up in praising our child’s outcome rather than their effort. But resisting this pressure is crucial for raising confident and resilient children. Take the soccer team example: parents are often eager to praise their child’s goal-scoring abilities, but this focus on outcome can inadvertently create an environment where mistakes are penalized.
Instead, try shifting the attention to your child’s preparation and training leading up to that game-winning shot. Did they practice diligently? Were there any specific skills they worked on improving? Acknowledge these efforts to show your child that it’s not just about winning or achieving a goal, but about putting in the work and dedication required to succeed.
In this way, you’re teaching your child to focus on what they can control – their effort, persistence, and resilience. This approach sends a powerful message: that mistakes are an opportunity for growth, and that it’s okay not to be perfect. By focusing on process over outcome, you’ll help your child develop a growth mindset and cultivate the confidence and self-assurance needed to tackle life’s challenges head-on.
Building a Supportive Community for Effort-Based Praise
As you work to praise effort over outcome, having a supportive community can make all the difference. This section will explore ways to build that community and foster an environment of encouragement.
Collaborating with Educators and Peers
Collaborating with educators and peers is crucial to promote effort-based praise in educational settings. By working together, you can create a ripple effect that encourages children to focus on the process rather than just the outcome.
When communicating with teachers and school administrators, explain the concept of effort-based praise and its benefits. Share research that highlights how this approach fosters resilience and confidence in children. Emphasize that effort-based praise is not about giving compliments, but about recognizing and valuing hard work, persistence, and progress.
To collaborate effectively, suggest ways to incorporate effort-based praise into daily routines, such as during class discussions or while providing feedback on assignments. You can also offer suggestions for how teachers can rephrase outcome-focused comments to focus on the process. For example, instead of saying “You’re so smart!”, say “I can see you’ve been putting in a lot of effort to understand this concept!”
By working together with educators and peers, you can create a supportive community that promotes effort-based praise. This collaborative approach will help children develop a growth mindset and build confidence in their abilities, setting them up for success both in and out of the classroom.
Creating a Culture That Values Effort Over Outcome
Creating a culture that values effort over outcome is crucial for raising confident and resilient children. This approach shifts focus from achieving perfection to embracing the learning process itself. To establish such a community, start by modeling behavior yourself. Children learn from what they see, so make sure you’re praising your own efforts, not just results.
When interacting with your child, shift your language to emphasize effort and progress. Instead of saying “You’re so smart,” say “I can tell you’ve been working hard on this.” Or, “I like how you tried a new approach to solve the problem.” This encourages children to value their own efforts and persistence.
Make it a habit to acknowledge and praise small steps towards a goal, rather than just the end result. For instance, if your child is learning a new skill or instrument, commend them for practicing every day or trying new techniques. By doing so, you’ll create an environment where effort is celebrated over outcome, helping children develop resilience and confidence that lasts a lifetime.
Frequently Asked Questions
How Can I Balance Praising Effort with Acknowledging My Child’s Success?
When it comes to praising effort, it can be challenging to balance this approach with acknowledging your child’s successes. Yes, you can praise both their hard work and achievements. For instance, “I’m so proud of how much effort you put into this project” or “Your success is a direct result of all the hard work you’ve been doing.” By acknowledging both their efforts and outcomes, you’ll help them develop a growth mindset while still celebrating their accomplishments.
What If My Child’s Peers Don’t Understand or Support Effort-Based Praise?
It’s common for children to be influenced by their peers’ opinions. To address this challenge, communicate with your child about the importance of effort-based praise and explain why it’s essential for developing a growth mindset. Also, consider sharing articles or books that highlight the benefits of praising effort. This can help them feel more confident in their approach and better equipped to handle criticism from others.
How Do I Handle External Pressures from Teachers or Coaches Who Focus on Outcome?
External pressures can make it difficult to implement effort-based praise. To manage these situations, focus on communicating with teachers and coaches about your goals for helping your child develop a growth mindset. Explain how praising effort will benefit their motivation and resilience in the long run. You may also want to propose alternative ways of measuring success that emphasize effort rather than just outcome.
What If My Child Is Struggling with Self-Doubt or Lack of Motivation?
When children struggle with self-doubt or lack of motivation, it can be challenging to implement effort-based praise. In such situations, try using more specific and actionable language when praising their efforts. For example, “You’re doing a great job breaking down this project into smaller tasks” or “I can see you’re putting in extra time to understand this concept.” By focusing on the process rather than just results, you’ll help them build confidence and develop a growth mindset.
Can I Use Effort-Based Praise with Older Children Who Are More Independent?
Yes, effort-based praise is not limited to young children. You can use it with older children who are more independent by emphasizing how their hard work and persistence will benefit them in the long run. For instance, “I know you’re capable of achieving your goals if you continue to put in the effort” or “Your dedication to this project will pay off in the end.” By praising their efforts, you’ll help older children develop a growth mindset that will serve them well throughout their lives.